


Chandrilan Satellite (instead I look at the sky and I feel nothing)

by okaypianist



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Post-Canon, Rey is alone on Chandrila, Sadness, canonverse, get ready with me except we are putting on makeup to cry it right back off, title from a Phoebe Bridgers song, you already know who the tag is for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28432152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaypianist/pseuds/okaypianist
Summary: I swear I can feel you through the walls.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	Chandrilan Satellite (instead I look at the sky and I feel nothing)

I want to believe.

Ben, sometimes, I swear... I can feel you through the walls- just behind a door- right over a hill. 

I came to your birth planet. I couldn’t go to my home because I don’t have one. Was I even born on Jakku? I told myself for awhile that my parents loved me enough to hide me away... but they sold me. They abandoned me. I struggled and scraped and suffered for years. There wasn’t a single other option in all the galaxy to keep me safe? And of course I lived in the Hellhound Two for years, but I find I don’t want to ever see it again. I etched my loneliness into the wall; a jagged mark for each day I spent alone. 

Now, I mark the days again, on a page of a book made of real paper, which almost no one uses these days. Still, holding a calligraphy pen reminds me of you. Your mother told me you wrote on any blank surface you could find. And so here I am... 

I feel a lot like a blank surface myself. Empty. Hollow.

I am supposed to be filled with joy - the war isn’t even over. 

I am supposed to be filled with peace - my friends are busy planning how to protect the galaxy and I can rarely bring myself to join them. 

I am supposed to be filled with the Force - I feel most acutely the open wound where you are supposed to be. 

How can I live as half of a soul?

What worth is a broken dyad?

How can I be enough, be worth the value of both of our lives?

Instead... 

I look at the sky... 

I feel everything. 

I feel nothing.


End file.
